I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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