This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
