At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I love you. Go after that dick
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