who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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