I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
