Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
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Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
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At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Who died my cat blue again?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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