Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
