Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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