Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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