hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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