Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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