Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
