I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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