tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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