Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
