it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
