Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Randomize
