WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
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Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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