when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
