Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(773): View more from Illinois

I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I just made out with a guy for $7.

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?

(267): View more from Pennsylvania

i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.

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(208): View more from Idaho

the day after is always just damage control

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(954): View more from Florida

I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.

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(910): View more from North Carolina

Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.

(803): View more from South Carolina

Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.

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(775): View more from Nevada

I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.

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(224): View more from Illinois

As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.

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