I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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