i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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