i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
