he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My dick has a subreddit
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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