i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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