One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
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