you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
