I haven't been this sober since birth.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
