Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
