i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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