I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
