can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
