Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
