1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
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If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
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I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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