Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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