i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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