I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize