I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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