This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
