This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
