exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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