I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
