GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
