dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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