I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
