I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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