it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
