I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
