It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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