beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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