We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
