I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
