dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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