are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
