Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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