Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
