Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
