My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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