I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Let's get the cat blown out
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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