the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You ruined the universe
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
