dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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