hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
