I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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