A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
