hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
