I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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