apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
