i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Let's paint friendship bongs
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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