i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
