Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
