The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
