Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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