About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
