are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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