it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
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he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
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somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Who died my cat blue again?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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