Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
