That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
