I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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