dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
