as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I need to stop coming to work sober
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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