boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
